Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
