I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
