Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
