Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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