he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
