I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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