yo everyone went to the hospital last night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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