so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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