I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
