We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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