Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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