Umm I'm too high to move.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
