Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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