do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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