tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
