What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
