I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
please come you make the beer taste better
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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