I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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