no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My cat gives me a boner
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
