Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
