dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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