Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
