belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
