didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
