I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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