cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
