Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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