You work out of a Hotel?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We got so high we made milksteak
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
