I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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