so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Every concussion has its silver lining
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
