My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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