Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
