He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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