I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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