What a fucking waste of an outfit
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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