So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Text me some of your sweat
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize