I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
