i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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