I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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