the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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