I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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