that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have fence marks all over my body
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
