I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
