I accidentally burped into my bong.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
