Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
