the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
