I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
