He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
