She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
