As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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