You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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