You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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