At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
