im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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