Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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