His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
