I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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