I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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