ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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