But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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