Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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