So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize