the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So much rum. So many feels.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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