he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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