I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
