What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
