I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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