Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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