The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have fence marks all over my body
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize