well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
