Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
