Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
