somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
