Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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