ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
