peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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