I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
