Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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