he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
