So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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