a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
