God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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